“The reckoning,” that moment when you awaken to your individuality. Who you are, where you have been, where you are going….. and most importantly; your failures.
I started this blog in 2014 to chronicle my journey from fat drunken smoker to ultramarathon runnner and Western States 100 miler qualifier.
On Halloweeen 2015, I ran my first 100; the Javalina Jundred in Arizona. I weighed 250 lbs. I failed.
I finished 63 miles, 100K. I earned a 100K belt buckle and considered it a victory. I had given myself an option for failure before the race even started.
60 days later, after plenty of rest and many dark, heavy, holiday beers. I was 290 lbs. 15 months later, I am 280 and sitting here exhausted, in doors, shades drawn, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon after having a lovely dinner party the night before where I gorged on cheese cake and wine.
So…… again I sit here, wondering what happened. How am I here again? Why am I here again? Honestly, because nothing manic is sustainable.
I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I decided last year to switch from distance running to strong man training…… I packed on copious amounts of muscle and realized for the last time….. I am uncomfortable being oversized and muscular. I was happier striving for the long lean frame of a yogi while running for meditation…….but that took work. It was easier to say “I am not built for this,” and start lifting heavy heavy weights….. it was easier to blame genetics, quit working towards my desired goal, and go back to my old sport. The only problem was……I hated it.
Earth always says “know your strengths and develop them.” But what if you want something else? Shouldn’t you “know your desires and strive to achieve them?” Even if far fetched.
My wife and I are having a baby in a little under 4 months. …… I don’t want my son to know me as anything other than the man I want to be, not the man I feel I am trapped being.
So today begins the chronicle PART 2
Welcome to chapter 2 of my journey